Slender Vs Animals
by ArashiKira
Summary: It's just an other ordinary night for the great and powerful Slenderman... Until he comes across a certain group of animals. Who can escape with their sanity intact? Oneshot-crackfic.


**Slender VS. The Animals**

It was an other dark and humid night in this distant evergreen forest. A figure moved in near perfect silence, prowling in the shadows. It was a man, a very tall, pale man. He was dressed in a sophisticated buisness suit that was a dark as the night he ruled. The only trace of color on the Slenderman was his blood red tie. He treaded through the woods, his steps not making a sound. The forest grew silent before him, forming an eerie path wherever he went. Raising his faceless head in the air, he scanned the shadows. At the edge of his conciousness, he felt a strange aura. Something was intruding in his forested home. After a bit of focus, he pinpointed the location from which the foreign aura was emenating. He began to take long strides in that direction. He came up to a path, but was dissapointed at what he found.

It was a goat. She was obviously female and had orangish-brown fur. Her eyes darted about nervously, she didn't see the dark onlooker. _"Such a small thing, but it'll do." _thought the Slenderman. He released his tendrills and ensnared the animal, ready to satisfy his hunger. But then, he stopped, stunned. "HELP ME! PLEASE, HELP!" The goat screamed. Now, Slenderman wasn't exactly used to human civilization, but he knew goats couldn't speak. He was even more shocked when he heard more feminine voices. "It came from over here! Run faster!" At the end of the path, there appeared an arctic fox, riding on a black llama. The pair paused in mute silence, eyeing the monster wearily. The llama quickly regained her dark and nonchallant look though, and merely looked the dark being where his eyes should be. "Sup'?" Slender recoiled in shock. He did manage to gather his wits and snag the other two animals as well. That's when a hen walked down the path and started to scream. She ran around everywhere, spinning in circles. "HELP! HELP! HELP! IT'S SLENDER!"

If he had eyes, he knew they'd be twitching. He grabbed the hen in his tendrills as well, the end of it wrapped around her beak to silence her cries. The goat began to insult Slender. "You...you...you're not even scary! You know what's scarier than you? Justin Bieber is scarier than you! Yeah!" Slender felt his rage boiling, but his shock returned, multiplied tenfold, when a gigantic grey-pink rhynoceros charged down the path while giving out a war cry. "RAAAAAAAAAHG! Y'ALL ABOUT TA GET CRUSHED!" She impacted him right in the torso, sending him flying backwards, but he still held on to the animals. He quickly climbed up a tree and up a gigantic stone, hoping to evade the rampaging pile of muscles. She kept ramming her face into the stone. "RAAAAAAAAGH AHM GUNNA GET YA!" Slenderman thought he'd seen everything, but then, a white dragon walked in behind him and saw him holding all the animals. She screamed."RELEASE THAT GOAT! Oh and setting the others free would be ok too I guess." She started to breath fire around. Slenderman threw his arms up in panic and confusion, but he managed to catch the dragon too and wrapped the end of one of his tendrills around her snout.

If that didn't confuse Slender enough, imagine his thoughts when two vipers, one brown and one pink, slithered out of a borrow and began to speak to the dragon. "It's ok sweetheart, God is coming to rescue you all." The llama, the arctic fox and the rhyno all stopped their current actions and began to chant. "Yes, we believe God will come to save us! We believe! We believe!" Sick of all this, Slenderman decided to use his static powers to try to disrup the minds of all around him. They all started to scream and clutch their heads, all except the dragon who still looked fine. Slenderman heard her thoughts, and smirked at the single word that resonated from them. _"Simpletons." _Slendy nearly got a jumpscare himself when a pained golden unicorn fell down from the trees above, clutching it's head and rolling around on the ground in what appeared to be a complex breakdance motion. A single voice rose from up in the trees, seemingly also unaffected by the static. "Darn it! You made the plan fail!" From above, there dropped down a fluffy, dull brown goat. He landed in a warrior pose, holding out a heavy branch. If Slenderman had eyebrows, he'd have raised them. The goat charged and hit him in the neck, causing Slender to loose his concentration and stop the static. All the animals broke free from the electricity and began to chant at once. "HAH! THE HEAVENS HAVE SENT A WARRIOR TO SAVE US!"

The unicorn stood up and stood tall next to the brown goat. The two began doing complex Kung-Fu moves around, flipping and all that stuff. Now hyperventilating, with all tendrills out and writhing in the air, it was Slendy's turn to scream. "THAT IS IT! I'm done with this!" He then teleported away, returning the forest to it's usual dark and humid state. The animals all looked right where he had stood before the dragon spoke. "Huh, what's gotten into that guy?"

Meanwhile, in some far away and isolated cave, Slenderman was making himself a hot chocolate, making sure to add extra marshmallows. "Those crazy animals...I'm never going back to that part of the woods again!" He sat in his big comfortable black chair and pulled out a newspaper and began to read it, that's when a moment of epiphany hit him. "Wait a minute...HOW AM I READING THE PAPER WHEN I HAVE NO EYES?!"

**THE END!**


End file.
